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* YOU BEEN SNAP BLOG * YAKULETEA > 12 secrets of being happy: Using research from 100 world experts, a new book shows how to look on the bright side"
*MKILETEWA HAPA NA MISS FB*
Every time I saw my father in the couple of years before he died, he would say: ‘Tell me Linda, are you happy?’
I think he knew he was coming to the end of his life and wanted to reassure himself of my well-being.
Maybe it would have been kinder to reply: ‘Yes, Dad, I’m happy.’ But my relationship had come to an end after more than 20 years and the future looked bleak.
I found myself saying: ‘Right now, no, but I will be again, I’m pretty sure of that. And you’re not to worry. No one can expect to be happy all the time.’ And yet it seems the pursuit of happiness has become a national preoccupation.
Eminent economists, politicians and psychologists debate endlessly about the best way to create a happy society, while David Cameron’s ‘happiness index’ aims to pin down just how content we are.
Plenty of woolly self-help books exist which promise to unlock the secret of happiness. Just last week, the Institute of Economic Affairs concluded rather prosaically that money had a large part to play.
But I’ve found, when my life isn’t going to plan, there are plenty of simple things that help — for starters, my friends, my son and my dog. Then there’s walking in the countryside, getting lost in a good book, learning something new, still being a size 10 as I approach 60, a new recipe that turns out well. The list is endless.
But a new book tries to probe deeper. In it, you won’t find spiritual philosophy, but evidence-based material that aims to unlock the secrets of happy people. In the World Book Of Happiness, Leo Bormans has drawn together the research and discoveries of the world’s leading experts on the psychology of happiness. Researchers have questioned thousands of people and what he has discovered is as surprising as it is inspiring.
Research shows that happy people have modest levels of expectation and aspirations — they want what they can get — while unhappy people never seem to get what they want. They also know how to avoid disappointments and how to generate pleasant surprises. This is because they strive for realistic goals and are happy with their lot. As Dr Jose de Jesus Garcia Vega, of the University of Monterrey, Mexico, confirms, we must accept things as they come.
‘We spend a lot of time complaining about the things that happen to us, but this is a waste of time and effort,’ he says. ‘To be happy, we need to enjoy what we have.’
Happy people do what they enjoy and enjoy what they do — and don’t do it for the money or glory. There’s no point being stuck in a job you hate, surrounded by unfriendly colleagues just because the money is good — people forget that they are allowed to be happy at work, too. Many spend the best years of their lives trying to make money, sacrificing their health and family in the process, says Dr Garcia Vega. Later, they spend the same money they made working trying to recover their lost health and estranged family.
Don’t dwell on the past, on things that went wrong or previous failures. Similarly, don’t dream about an idealised future that doesn’t exist or worry about what hasn’t happened yet. Happy people live for the now; they have positive mind sets. If you can’t be happy today, what makes you think tomorrow will be different?
Don’t be afraid to step back and re-evaluate your goals. Imagine your life as a story that you can edit and revise as you go along. This kind of flexible approach requires positive thinking and an open mind — you need to actively choose to be happy.
‘You always have the freedom to choose the manner in which you wish to approach any given situation,’ says Dr Garcia Vega.This theory is backed up by Ingrida Geciene of Vilnius University, Lithuania, who researched the happiness of people in 31 European countries.
She found that ‘voluntarists’ (people who feel they have free choice and complete control over their life) were happier than fatalists (people who think little can be changed by personal intervention).
Luckily for us, Northern European countries contain more voluntarists while Latin European countries such as Spain and Italy have a higher percentage of fatalists.
We get our happiness from other people, and from supporting other people. Remember that just as other people can make us happy, we are all ‘other people’ to someone else. And cherish people who are important to you. Research also shows that married people are happier than single people.
If you want to be happier, develop an outgoing, social personality — accept that drinks invitation, join the walking club, book group or choir. The best way to savour pleasure is in the company of others. Build a rich social life, says Eunkook M. Suh, a psychology professor at Yonsei University in Seoul, not as an obligation, but because it is rewarding, meaningful and fun.
Active, busy, social people are the healthiest and happiest, in society. Get involved: make your motto ‘use it or lose it.’
Ambition is healthy and makes people happy, explains Claudia Senik, a professor at the University of Paris-Sorbonne, but envy makes them unhappy. Yet comparisons with others can spoil the benefits of ambition and are only useful if you learn something from them. Focus on your goals and dreams so you can enjoy your ambition and achievements.
"BE YOURSELF"
Just as you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, it’s important not to worry about what others think about you — then you can truly be yourself.
Happy people are spontaneous, natural and real; they say what they think and feel, and aren’t concerned what others think of them. Being oneself makes one feel free and authentic.
"STOP WORRYING"
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Happy people don’t worry and they recognise that 90 per cent of worries never come true.
"GET ORGANISED"
You might envy those laid-back bohemian types who just do things on the spur of the moment, but don’t be fooled. Happy people plan and organise, they have goals and a purpose. You can only get what you want or desire if you know what it is you want or desire in the first place. So while those chilled-out friends might seem happy, they’re actually just drifting along.
"THINK POSITIVE"
Bottling up emotions and bad feelings creates psychological distress and physical discomfort. Happy people get things off their chest, their motto is: get rid of it, or it will get rid of you. Similarly, work at developing optimistic thinking; happy people always look on the bright side.
Successful athletes know to focus on winning, not losing, explains Miriam Akhtar, one of the first positive psychologists in the UK. We need to switch from a negative, glass-half-empty outlook to a glass-half-full and put optimism into practice to be happiest. Optimism is the mind’s natural self-defence mechanism against depression.
"VALUE HAPPINESS"
Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around. The happiest people appreciate and realise that being happy adds years to their life, and life to their years.
Every time I saw my father in the couple of years before he died, he would say: ‘Tell me Linda, are you happy?’
I think he knew he was coming to the end of his life and wanted to reassure himself of my well-being.
Maybe it would have been kinder to reply: ‘Yes, Dad, I’m happy.’ But my relationship had come to an end after more than 20 years and the future looked bleak.
Value happiness: Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around;
I found myself saying: ‘Right now, no, but I will be again, I’m pretty sure of that. And you’re not to worry. No one can expect to be happy all the time.’ And yet it seems the pursuit of happiness has become a national preoccupation.
Eminent economists, politicians and psychologists debate endlessly about the best way to create a happy society, while David Cameron’s ‘happiness index’ aims to pin down just how content we are.
Plenty of woolly self-help books exist which promise to unlock the secret of happiness. Just last week, the Institute of Economic Affairs concluded rather prosaically that money had a large part to play.
But I’ve found, when my life isn’t going to plan, there are plenty of simple things that help — for starters, my friends, my son and my dog. Then there’s walking in the countryside, getting lost in a good book, learning something new, still being a size 10 as I approach 60, a new recipe that turns out well. The list is endless.
But a new book tries to probe deeper. In it, you won’t find spiritual philosophy, but evidence-based material that aims to unlock the secrets of happy people. In the World Book Of Happiness, Leo Bormans has drawn together the research and discoveries of the world’s leading experts on the psychology of happiness. Researchers have questioned thousands of people and what he has discovered is as surprising as it is inspiring.
"ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAVE"
Research shows that happy people have modest levels of expectation and aspirations — they want what they can get — while unhappy people never seem to get what they want. They also know how to avoid disappointments and how to generate pleasant surprises. This is because they strive for realistic goals and are happy with their lot. As Dr Jose de Jesus Garcia Vega, of the University of Monterrey, Mexico, confirms, we must accept things as they come.
‘We spend a lot of time complaining about the things that happen to us, but this is a waste of time and effort,’ he says. ‘To be happy, we need to enjoy what we have.’
"ENJOY WHAT YOU DO"
Happy people do what they enjoy and enjoy what they do — and don’t do it for the money or glory. There’s no point being stuck in a job you hate, surrounded by unfriendly colleagues just because the money is good — people forget that they are allowed to be happy at work, too. Many spend the best years of their lives trying to make money, sacrificing their health and family in the process, says Dr Garcia Vega. Later, they spend the same money they made working trying to recover their lost health and estranged family.
"LIVE FOR TODAY"
Don’t dwell on the past, on things that went wrong or previous failures. Similarly, don’t dream about an idealised future that doesn’t exist or worry about what hasn’t happened yet. Happy people live for the now; they have positive mind sets. If you can’t be happy today, what makes you think tomorrow will be different?
"CHOOSE HAPPINESS"
Don’t be afraid to step back and re-evaluate your goals. Imagine your life as a story that you can edit and revise as you go along. This kind of flexible approach requires positive thinking and an open mind — you need to actively choose to be happy.
NICELAND
Iceland has the happiest population, while Britain came ninth in a world survey;
Iceland has the happiest population, while Britain came ninth in a world survey;
‘You always have the freedom to choose the manner in which you wish to approach any given situation,’ says Dr Garcia Vega.This theory is backed up by Ingrida Geciene of Vilnius University, Lithuania, who researched the happiness of people in 31 European countries.
She found that ‘voluntarists’ (people who feel they have free choice and complete control over their life) were happier than fatalists (people who think little can be changed by personal intervention).
Luckily for us, Northern European countries contain more voluntarists while Latin European countries such as Spain and Italy have a higher percentage of fatalists.
"RELATIONSHIPS"
We get our happiness from other people, and from supporting other people. Remember that just as other people can make us happy, we are all ‘other people’ to someone else. And cherish people who are important to you. Research also shows that married people are happier than single people.
"STAY BUSY"
If you want to be happier, develop an outgoing, social personality — accept that drinks invitation, join the walking club, book group or choir. The best way to savour pleasure is in the company of others. Build a rich social life, says Eunkook M. Suh, a psychology professor at Yonsei University in Seoul, not as an obligation, but because it is rewarding, meaningful and fun.
Active, busy, social people are the healthiest and happiest, in society. Get involved: make your motto ‘use it or lose it.’
In the World Book Of Happiness, Leo Bormans has drawn together research from the world's leading experts on the psychology of happiness
"DON'T COMPARE"
Ambition is healthy and makes people happy, explains Claudia Senik, a professor at the University of Paris-Sorbonne, but envy makes them unhappy. Yet comparisons with others can spoil the benefits of ambition and are only useful if you learn something from them. Focus on your goals and dreams so you can enjoy your ambition and achievements.
"BE YOURSELF"
Just as you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, it’s important not to worry about what others think about you — then you can truly be yourself.
Happy people are spontaneous, natural and real; they say what they think and feel, and aren’t concerned what others think of them. Being oneself makes one feel free and authentic.
"STOP WORRYING"
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Happy people don’t worry and they recognise that 90 per cent of worries never come true.
"GET ORGANISED"
You might envy those laid-back bohemian types who just do things on the spur of the moment, but don’t be fooled. Happy people plan and organise, they have goals and a purpose. You can only get what you want or desire if you know what it is you want or desire in the first place. So while those chilled-out friends might seem happy, they’re actually just drifting along.
"THINK POSITIVE"
Bottling up emotions and bad feelings creates psychological distress and physical discomfort. Happy people get things off their chest, their motto is: get rid of it, or it will get rid of you. Similarly, work at developing optimistic thinking; happy people always look on the bright side.
Successful athletes know to focus on winning, not losing, explains Miriam Akhtar, one of the first positive psychologists in the UK. We need to switch from a negative, glass-half-empty outlook to a glass-half-full and put optimism into practice to be happiest. Optimism is the mind’s natural self-defence mechanism against depression.
"VALUE HAPPINESS"
Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around. The happiest people appreciate and realise that being happy adds years to their life, and life to their years.
Extracted from The World Book Of Happiness by Leo Bormans, published by Marshall Cavendish at £19.99. © 2011 Leo Bormans. To order a copy for £16.99 (p&p free) call 0843 382 0000.
* YOU BEEN SNAP BLOG * THE WORK OF MY CAMERA"PLEASE HELP ME TO WISH MY GORGEOUS NYOTA ZANGU SCHOLA & RHODA HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. HUU MWEZI WA KWANZA WA 2012 NI MWEZI WAO NA MIMI BINAUSI NAMSHUKURU MUNGU SANA KWA KUWALETA KATIKA MAISHA YANGU NA KUTUFANYA TUKAWA NYOTA TATU . UKIWAONA WAKISHINE UJUE MISS FB-FLORA BAHATI LYIMO YUPO NA UKIMUONA MISS FB AKISHINE JUA WAPO. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH NYOTA ZANGU.CANT WAIT KUPARTY HARD WITH BOTH OF YOU SOON. MWAH" XX
* YOU BEEN SNAP BLOG* HAIWEZEKANI - HEIDI KLUM AND SEAL CONFIRM THE END OF THEIR SEVEN -YEAR MARRIAGE"
*MKILETEWA HAPA NA MISS FB*
Heidi Klum and Seal have confirmed the end of their seven-year marriage in a joint statement.
Reports emerged on Saturday that the pair were to divorce amid claims the supermodel was fed up with her husband's 'hard partying'.
However, in an official statement this morning, the couple blamed their split on 'growing apart'.
And the tension in their relationship is believed to have started when the pair holidayed with their three children in Ibiza in August.
A source told the Sunday Mirror: 'They were always the couple everybody strived to be but lately it all started to change. Seal seems to have been partying a lot more often than usual.
'When they had their holiday in Ibiza last summer, Seal hit it hard, was out at clubs and with his friends a lot and Heidi was left with their kids trying to enjoy herself. The cracks were appearing and everybody was talking during that trip. He seemed off the rails.'
The insider added: 'They've spent a lot of time apart too on work assignments and that hasn't helped matters.
'Then when Seal came back to the UK to do promotional work for his next album, he seemed sleepy and not with it on shows like Loose Women, when he was very late for his appearance.'
And a source told The Sun today: 'The marriage ended months ago in reality. They rarely saw each other and it wouldn't be unusual for them to go months without spending any real quality time together. Ships that pass in the night would be an overstatement.'
Further claims suggested that it was Seal's temper which led to the split, with a source telling TMZ.com that the singer's 'inability to control his temper' had a large part in the decision.
German-born Heidi, 38, is reportedly expected to file papers at Los Angeles’ County Superior Court this week citing 'irreconcilable differences'.
Seal, 48 – real name Seal Henry Samuel – left a cryptic message posted on his Twitter page on Friday that read: ‘The End.’
The message was attached to a picture that appeared to show the star’s forearm bearing an imprint of a set of wings – a possible reference to Miss Klum’s role as a Victoria’s Secret winged ‘Angel’ model.
The split paves the way for a multi-million-pound divorce battle between the golden couple.
Heidi, one of the world’s most in-demand models, is reported to have earned more than £12 million in the past year alone.
Seal, who is best known for his Kiss From A Rose single, has sold more than 20 million albums and won three Brit Awards and three Grammys in a career spanning 20 years.
The couple own a home in Mexico and an £8.4 million mansion in Los Angeles. Yesterday there was no sign of them at the LA house, which is set in an exclusive gated community in Mandeville Canyon, in the Hollywood Hills.
Their neighbours include Hollywood actor Ben Affleck and actress Catherine Zeta-Jones.
On Wednesday, Seal was in London to pre-record a performance of his new single Backstabbers for Jonathan Ross’s ITV chat show, which was broadcast on Saturday night.
Meanwhile, Miss Klum was alone as she attended the Golden Globes awards in Hollywood last Sunday.
News of the split comes just weeks after the couple posed, apparently happily, for a photo on a skiing holiday in Colorado.
On December 26 Miss Klum posted a picture on Twitter of the couple on the slopes in Aspen with the caption, ‘Sun and Snow and @Seal’. Miss Klum divorced her first husband, stylist Ric Pipino after five years together in 2002 and met Seal a year later in 2003.
At the time she had just split from Formula 1 billionaire Briatore.
Heidi Klum and Seal have confirmed the end of their seven-year marriage in a joint statement.
Reports emerged on Saturday that the pair were to divorce amid claims the supermodel was fed up with her husband's 'hard partying'.
However, in an official statement this morning, the couple blamed their split on 'growing apart'.
It's all over: Heidi Klum and Seal have confirmed the end of their six-year marriage with a joint statement saying they have 'grown apart'
THE FULL STATEMENT
'While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate.
'We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart.
'This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition.
'We thank our family, friends, and fans for their kind words of support. And for our children’s sake, we appreciate you respecting our privacy.'
'We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart.
'This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition.
'We thank our family, friends, and fans for their kind words of support. And for our children’s sake, we appreciate you respecting our privacy.'
And the tension in their relationship is believed to have started when the pair holidayed with their three children in Ibiza in August.
A source told the Sunday Mirror: 'They were always the couple everybody strived to be but lately it all started to change. Seal seems to have been partying a lot more often than usual.
'When they had their holiday in Ibiza last summer, Seal hit it hard, was out at clubs and with his friends a lot and Heidi was left with their kids trying to enjoy herself. The cracks were appearing and everybody was talking during that trip. He seemed off the rails.'
The insider added: 'They've spent a lot of time apart too on work assignments and that hasn't helped matters.
'Then when Seal came back to the UK to do promotional work for his next album, he seemed sleepy and not with it on shows like Loose Women, when he was very late for his appearance.'
And a source told The Sun today: 'The marriage ended months ago in reality. They rarely saw each other and it wouldn't be unusual for them to go months without spending any real quality time together. Ships that pass in the night would be an overstatement.'
Further claims suggested that it was Seal's temper which led to the split, with a source telling TMZ.com that the singer's 'inability to control his temper' had a large part in the decision.
German-born Heidi, 38, is reportedly expected to file papers at Los Angeles’ County Superior Court this week citing 'irreconcilable differences'.
Happy: The couple were last seen together on December 26, with Heidi tweeting this picture of them on holiday in Aspen, Colorado;
Happy families: The couple have four children, Leni, seven, Henry, six, Johan, five and Lou, two;
Seal, 48 – real name Seal Henry Samuel – left a cryptic message posted on his Twitter page on Friday that read: ‘The End.’
The message was attached to a picture that appeared to show the star’s forearm bearing an imprint of a set of wings – a possible reference to Miss Klum’s role as a Victoria’s Secret winged ‘Angel’ model.
The split paves the way for a multi-million-pound divorce battle between the golden couple.
Heidi, one of the world’s most in-demand models, is reported to have earned more than £12 million in the past year alone.
So in love: The couple are known for renewing their vows in lavish ceremonies - seen doing so in Malibu in 2009;
Seal, who is best known for his Kiss From A Rose single, has sold more than 20 million albums and won three Brit Awards and three Grammys in a career spanning 20 years.
The couple own a home in Mexico and an £8.4 million mansion in Los Angeles. Yesterday there was no sign of them at the LA house, which is set in an exclusive gated community in Mandeville Canyon, in the Hollywood Hills.
Their neighbours include Hollywood actor Ben Affleck and actress Catherine Zeta-Jones.
On Wednesday, Seal was in London to pre-record a performance of his new single Backstabbers for Jonathan Ross’s ITV chat show, which was broadcast on Saturday night.
Staying professional: Seal was in London last week to pre-record his performance on Jonathan Ross' show, which was broadcast on Saturday night;
Day job: Heidi has been known in recent years for presenting fashion-based reality show Project Runway;
News of the split comes just weeks after the couple posed, apparently happily, for a photo on a skiing holiday in Colorado.
On December 26 Miss Klum posted a picture on Twitter of the couple on the slopes in Aspen with the caption, ‘Sun and Snow and @Seal’. Miss Klum divorced her first husband, stylist Ric Pipino after five years together in 2002 and met Seal a year later in 2003.
At the time she had just split from Formula 1 billionaire Briatore.
THROUGH THE YEARS - HEIDI KLUM AND SEAL'S RELATIONSHIP
2004: The couple meet while Heidi is pregnant with daughter Leni from a relationship with Italian businessman Flavio Briatore
May 2004: Heidi gives birth with Seal at her side
December 2004: Seal proposes in an igloo he had built on a glacier in Whistler, British Columbia
May 2005: The couple marry in a beach ceremony in Mexico
September 2005: Heidi gives birth to the couple's first son, Henry
May 2006: The couple start a tradition of renewing their marriage vows every year
November 2006: Heidi gives birth to their second son, Johan
October 2009: Their daughter Lou is born
September 2009: Seal officially adopts Leni
August 2011: The couple holiday in Ibiza, with reports emerging just this week that tension started during the trip because of Seal's 'hard parting'
December 26, 2011: The couple are last seen together, as Heidi tweets a picture of her and Seal on holiday in Aspen, Colorado
January 15th: Heidi attends the Golden Globes alone
Friday 20th January: Seal is seen arriving at LAX alone after a week in London promoting his new album
Saturday 21st January: Reports emerge the couple are to divorce
Today, Monday 23rd January: Heidi and Seal confirm they are separating, saying in a joint statement they have 'grown apart'
May 2004: Heidi gives birth with Seal at her side
December 2004: Seal proposes in an igloo he had built on a glacier in Whistler, British Columbia
May 2005: The couple marry in a beach ceremony in Mexico
September 2005: Heidi gives birth to the couple's first son, Henry
May 2006: The couple start a tradition of renewing their marriage vows every year
November 2006: Heidi gives birth to their second son, Johan
October 2009: Their daughter Lou is born
September 2009: Seal officially adopts Leni
August 2011: The couple holiday in Ibiza, with reports emerging just this week that tension started during the trip because of Seal's 'hard parting'
December 26, 2011: The couple are last seen together, as Heidi tweets a picture of her and Seal on holiday in Aspen, Colorado
January 15th: Heidi attends the Golden Globes alone
Friday 20th January: Seal is seen arriving at LAX alone after a week in London promoting his new album
Saturday 21st January: Reports emerge the couple are to divorce
Today, Monday 23rd January: Heidi and Seal confirm they are separating, saying in a joint statement they have 'grown apart'
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