HOW TO BE LUCKY IN LOVE"
Are you known amongst your friends to “entertain” with amusing and unsuccessful “love stories,” full of woes, bizarre dates, nightmare situations and ‘that one with wig’? If so, you could be suffering from a universal self-sabotage syndrome that psychologists call “emotional masochism.”
Basically: It’s as if each of us grew up feeling comfy with a certain level of happiness. Some of us are used to 90%, others only 75%, others only 17%. The point is, when this concentration shifts upwards — then a lot of us start to feel twitchy, because this new zone feels sooo unfamiliar. We instinctively do what we must do to muck up our love life so we can shift our happiness concentration back down, down to our familiar zone.
So how do you break free from the shackles of emotional masochism?
You must 100% accept that you do a lot of the silly things you do because of your insecurities and some negative past or childhood issues you may have. It is after all much easier to be miserable, and to sneak up and kill the dragon before it wakes. My advice is, you’re a lot bigger and braver than you were in the past, so take a deep breath, wake the friendly dragon and let it show you a different side.
After you get done blaming your past for pain, you must accept some responsibility. After all, you’ve been an adult or adult-ish for a while now. Although your troublemaking subconscious has gotten you into some painful relationships and situations, the time has come for you to show your cerebrum who’s boss and stop allowing those painful misadventures to get in the way.
How? Next time you’re tempted to settle for a pattern of pain, repeat the following mantra: I am not my past behaviour. I am not my past failures. I am not how others have at one time treated me. I am only who I think I am right now in this moment. I am only what I do right now in this moment! (but maybe not out loud on the bus)
Talk with your friends, family members you feel that you can be open with about this concept of emotional masochism. Chances are they will probably throw their arms up in the arm in pure jubilation and relish in the fact you’ve seen the light. You’ll find that the more you can be honest about repressed feelings and share them, the less troublemaking your subconscious will need to be.
Recognise that you have triggers that remind you of past pain and might thereby create a downward spiral of negative thinking and behaviour. Clear your life of these ere triggers! Instead, get “trigger-happy” and focus on positive triggers that remind you of all your happy relationships. If suddenly you feel yourself wobble, listen to a song that reminds you of a great time with friends, call someone that makes you laugh, think about something that makes you smile.
Finally, there’s an added sneaky reason why painful patterns form: A theory à la Carl Jung, a great psychological thinker. He believed that our lives need meaning and purpose. If we don’t have meaning and purpose, we acquire a bad habit in order to create drama and excitement. Carl Jung called these patterns of pain "low-level spiritual quests." The good news: You can more readily dump negative patterns by developing a high-level quest...a driving positive force that drives you forward. Meaning? Often, it’s easier to dump negative patterns in love if you develop an exciting hobby. Consider taking up cycling, skydiving, scuba diving, exotic cooking, going to gigs, tennis. And who knows…maybe in the process you’ll find someone wonderful you can share your stimulating new hobby with!
Basically: It’s as if each of us grew up feeling comfy with a certain level of happiness. Some of us are used to 90%, others only 75%, others only 17%. The point is, when this concentration shifts upwards — then a lot of us start to feel twitchy, because this new zone feels sooo unfamiliar. We instinctively do what we must do to muck up our love life so we can shift our happiness concentration back down, down to our familiar zone.
So how do you break free from the shackles of emotional masochism?
You must 100% accept that you do a lot of the silly things you do because of your insecurities and some negative past or childhood issues you may have. It is after all much easier to be miserable, and to sneak up and kill the dragon before it wakes. My advice is, you’re a lot bigger and braver than you were in the past, so take a deep breath, wake the friendly dragon and let it show you a different side.
After you get done blaming your past for pain, you must accept some responsibility. After all, you’ve been an adult or adult-ish for a while now. Although your troublemaking subconscious has gotten you into some painful relationships and situations, the time has come for you to show your cerebrum who’s boss and stop allowing those painful misadventures to get in the way.
How? Next time you’re tempted to settle for a pattern of pain, repeat the following mantra: I am not my past behaviour. I am not my past failures. I am not how others have at one time treated me. I am only who I think I am right now in this moment. I am only what I do right now in this moment! (but maybe not out loud on the bus)
Talk with your friends, family members you feel that you can be open with about this concept of emotional masochism. Chances are they will probably throw their arms up in the arm in pure jubilation and relish in the fact you’ve seen the light. You’ll find that the more you can be honest about repressed feelings and share them, the less troublemaking your subconscious will need to be.
Recognise that you have triggers that remind you of past pain and might thereby create a downward spiral of negative thinking and behaviour. Clear your life of these ere triggers! Instead, get “trigger-happy” and focus on positive triggers that remind you of all your happy relationships. If suddenly you feel yourself wobble, listen to a song that reminds you of a great time with friends, call someone that makes you laugh, think about something that makes you smile.
Finally, there’s an added sneaky reason why painful patterns form: A theory à la Carl Jung, a great psychological thinker. He believed that our lives need meaning and purpose. If we don’t have meaning and purpose, we acquire a bad habit in order to create drama and excitement. Carl Jung called these patterns of pain "low-level spiritual quests." The good news: You can more readily dump negative patterns by developing a high-level quest...a driving positive force that drives you forward. Meaning? Often, it’s easier to dump negative patterns in love if you develop an exciting hobby. Consider taking up cycling, skydiving, scuba diving, exotic cooking, going to gigs, tennis. And who knows…maybe in the process you’ll find someone wonderful you can share your stimulating new hobby with!
No comments:
Post a Comment