You know your mum always meant well, but sometimes you need to break the rules if you want to find love. Discover the commonly held dating wisdoms to throw out of the window…
"Give them a chance, go on a few dates and get to know them properly before you decide they're not for you."
Why you should break it:
Sounds like reasonable advice - but if you wake up months later to find yourself in a relationship that's lost its spark, you might wish you had trusted your instincts.
We're told it's wrong to judge too quickly but sometimes you need to throw away the list of must-have qualities and stop trying to make it work with the person who is 'great on paper.' Be brave and go with your gut for once.
If trusting your instincts is new for you, Tracey Cox, author of Superdate, has this advice: "Chat to someone for 10 minutes, then secretly ask yourself the following questions (don't think too much about the answers): Would you like to kiss this person? Would you like to have their child? Would you like to be more like this person? Your knee-jerk reaction will reveal more than you think."
2. Online dating is a last resort (and full of weirdos)
"The right person will enter your life at the right time - just be patient and wait."
Why you should break it:
Perhaps one day your friends will introduce you to the man of your dreams. Perhaps the new guy in accounts will turn out to be your soul mate. Perhaps you'll lock eyes with a gorgeous stranger and it will be love at first sight. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
Waiting for someone to come along and sweep you off your feet is terribly romantic, but if you've been waiting a while, it's time to give fate a helping hand. Online dating and singles events are a great way to meet new people - and if you think online dating is for the desperate or odd, it's time to think again.
"Over 60% of singles have tried online dating, so you can't class that many as 'odd'!" says dating guru James Preece. "Of course, in any large mix of people there will be a few weirdos, but most online daters are busy professionals who just don't have time to meet people in bars and clubs."
3. You always have to agree on things
"If you don't have the same views and interests it's never going to work out."
Why you should break it:
When we first get together, it's only natural to look for areas of common interest and experience - but there is bound to come a day when you hit upon a subject you don't agree on.
Unless that subject represents a major conflict in values or life choices, such as whether or not you want children, there's no reason why you can't agree to disagree.
"Opposites attract for a good reason - and dating someone who has different views to your own can be challenging and exciting in a good way," says James. "If you clash on issues that are close to your heart or the friendly debate turns into a heated argument you might want to think again - but as long as you handle them right, differences can be an opportunity to grow and learn new things about each other."
4. If their body language says 'no' - don't bother
"Everyone knows the best way to flirt is with eye contact. Look at them - and then look away - three times to show you're interested."
Why you should break it:
We've all read books on body language but sometimes a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. According to the Social Issues Research Centre in Oxford, maintaining too much eye contact is the biggest mistake people make when flirting.
So what if they're looking at the floor - maybe they've dropped their contact lens. If you like someone and want to get to know them better, bin the 'body language' manual and approach them anyway.
As Tracey explains: "Make too much eye contact and you'll be seen as superior, threatening, or adoring... If someone avoids looking at you, don't assume it means lack of interest. You could be discussing a difficult subject or they might be in awe of you."
5. A man should ask the woman out
"A man likes to be in control. It's the whole predator thing. A woman should make the right signals - but ultimately it should be the man who does the asking out."
Why you should break it:
Some men (and women) do undoubtedly love the thrill of the chase - but does that mean a woman should always wait to be asked out? Hold back and you run the risk of missing out.
There are plenty of reasons why a man may like you but hasn't asked you out. If you feel there's an attraction there, go ahead and take the lead. What have you got to lose?
"Some men are shy, says relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam (http://www.susanquilliam.com) and would love it if a woman asked them out. And lots of men who aren't shy say they would be hugely flattered and pleased if a woman made the first move. There's nothing to say you have to be predatory, it could be as casual as suggesting the two of you meet for coffee - and it very much lays the foundations for a relationship where you're equals."
6. Love me, love my friends
"If your friends don't like your date, you can bet they won't be right for you."
Why you should break it:
We all want our family and friends to get on with the special new someone in our lives but if that doesn't happen for any reason, it doesn't necessarily mean things can't work out.
Family and friends may say they want the best for you - but that doesn't necessarily mean they know what's best. Only you can decide how you feel, and the amazing qualities you see in that person aren't always obvious to others.
"Friendships are complex things," says relationship psychologist Corinne Sweet. "Could your friends feel jealous, envious or even pushed out? Of course, you should listen to any serious concerns they raise, but you need time to work out what you really feel. If it feels right, go with it - and find time to get your friends together with your date in relaxed circumstances to smooth out any difficulties."
7. Play hard to get - and don't be too available
"Don't make yourself too available, especially in the early days. If they suggest a day for a date, say you're busy. They'll want you even more."
Why you should break it:
While there's no need to drop all your plans for a new man or woman in your life - why say you're busy if you're actually eating a microwave meal for one in front of the TV?
It can take courage to trust your feelings and just go with it - but you'll never know how great it could have been if you hold back and over think things in your head.
"Playing games is nearly always a bad idea," warns James. "We used to be told 'treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen' but that's actually a very limited, negative and fearful way of behaving. People who play games like that are probably scared of rejection - if you feel it - and they feel it - be brave and just go with it."
8. You should wait until the third date to have sex
"Put out on a first date and he'll think you're easy. Wait too long and he'll lose interest."
Why you should break it:
Any kind of 'rule' when it comes to dating can be fraught with problems. When you base decisions on pre-set notions, it generally means you aren't reading the moment as it happens or allowing yourself to trust your judgment.
While it's true that getting to know someone and waiting a while can help build the attraction (and make sex even better when it does happen), how you behave with one person might be very different to how you feel with another.
"When it comes to sex, you do need to go with your instincts rather than abiding by the rules - though of course remember that your instincts can mislead you if they're overridden by alcohol!" says Susan. "So if it feels emotionally safe then by all means sleep together after the first date. But if you want to take your time then don't feel pressured - if he's not prepared to wait until you're ready, then he isn't Mr Right for you."
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