There are four insurmountable problems no marriage can survive, according to a leading divorce expert.
And just having an affair isn't one of them.
Blogging on the Huffington Post, psychotherapist and author Micki McWade said cheating on a spouse is often just a symptom of one of four deeper underlying issues - issues which, she says, are the ones to ultimately end a marriage.
Ceasing to be partners: When one partner feels the other is immature, irresponsible, untrustworthy or selfish, the marital dynamic will crumble, destroying intimacy and sexual attraction. One partner will then 'detach'. Domestic abuse is the most extreme version of this.
There's often no turning back from detachment, so it's important to recognize and start marriage counseling before breaking point. A marriage counselor can't manufacture a connection, only strengthen it.
Solving a problem by compromise is more important than being 'right'. Individuals who cannot accept accountability are doomed to fail in relationships.
Narcissism:Everyone is narcissistic to some extent, but this is problematic when partners are unable to empathise with each other and instead compete over issues such as who works harder, who spends more time with the children, who had a tougher day.
When partners don't understand the other's contribution, each assume the other has it easier and neither feels understood.
If a user is unable to give up their habit they will shift blame onto their partner, who may try to hold the relationship together for a while - especially if children are involved - but will eventually give up if there is no recovery.
She says: 'It's difficult for couples to change long-standing relationship patterns by themselves because people tend to argue for their own points of view. Communication doesn't get anywhere without a neutral perspective. Patterns must be recognized and interrupted.'
HABARI NDO HIYO ENDELEA KUMSOMA MICKI MCWADE'S KWENYE HIYO WEBSITE YAKE.FLFP"
Read more of Micki McWade's advice on her website.
COMMENT YA MDAU " NIMEIPENDAAA" WEWE JE WAONAJE? WACHA MAONI YAKO HAPA HAPA"
Maybe people should get to know each other, live together, find out all the important things, marry then have children, not meet, sleep, have a kid then "get married because we've had a baby and its best for our child", my husband and I are ying and yang but we can read each other like books, we can never outwit each other because we know each others sneaky plans before we have even figured it out ourselves, we have the same goals, morals and tastes but we both have our annoying habits which we can laugh about, I think we will be married until we are both in our 90s hopefully longer"