* YOU BEEN SNAP BLOG * POSH HAS TO BE KIDDING" VICTORIA BECKHAM'S ATULETEA HER NEW CUT-PRICE COLLECTION . NA MISS FB FASHION POLICE SAY: HIZI NGUO ZAKE ZA SASA HIVI SIYO ZA WATU WAZIMA HASA WENYE (MATITI MAKUBWA),BIG boob'sYANI NI ZA KITOTO NA TENA ONLY WALE WATOTO WAMATAJIRI .KWELI HATA NIKIZIPEWA ZA BURE KAMA NAVYOZIONA PICHANI SITOVAA KABISA" BUT GOODLUCK TO HER WITH HAO WASICHANA WADOGO DOGO.SASA HIZO MTU KAMA BEYONCE ATAZIVAA KWELI"!

*MKILETEWA HAPA NA MISS FB*


Diffusion ranges make me a little weary. They are meant to be cheaper, younger sisters of a big, established brand: the aim is to get a woman hooked young, as retailers know we are very loyal to the labels we love.

The trouble is that most designers, who are often very old indeed, think for a garment to be young it has to be over decorated, gaudy and all sugary and sweet and short — as if its customers were six. Ooh, and how about covered in tiny kittens, too?

The windows of Harvey Nichols in London’s Knightsbridge this week are full of Victoria, Victoria Beckham (it is a bit of a tongue twister, but at least it isn’t called VICTORIA!!!), the new diffusion collection from the Twiglet-limbed one.

Ultra girly: Liz isn't impressed by the pussy bows and kitty prints from the V, VB collection

They remind me of a sweet shop — all sunshine lemons and apple greens and those aforementioned cats, used as they are on an ‘utterly adorable’ print (Harvey Nichols’ words, not mine) in the new range of affordable, accessible dresses.

Now, let’s leave ‘adorable’ aside for a moment — although I will interject that the print reminds me of Stella McCartney’s Nineties galloping horses, or Naughties oranges and bananas, or, even more closely, Marc Jacobs’ use of the Hello Kitty logo at Louis Vuitton.

My feeling is you can do cute when you have gravitas and reputation to back it up. Stella McCartney is not frivolous and is great at tailoring (i.e., trousers and jackets, not just dresses), and so a diaphanous chiffon skirt covered in horses somehow works.

Louis Vuitton has hundreds of years of craftsmanship and heritage on its side: only once your reputation is rock solid can you take fliberty liberties with it.

Feline fashion: The displays in Harvey Nichols reflect the Emily the Strange cat theme but Liz doesn't think Posh has the gravitas to be so cute

So, the print may be ‘adorable’, according to whether or not you are yet taking solids. My main issue is with accessible and affordable. The V,VB boutique (honestly, I’m too tired from trying on her clothes to keep typing it, life’s too short) is on Harvey Nicks’ first floor, frankly outclassed by neighbours Stella McCartney, Jil Sander, Alaia and Erdem.

Here, there are about nine mannequins, designed with embellished cat’s heads by French artist and doll maker Alice Mary Lynch, wearing the dresses VB has ‘created’. (An arty film has been made, too, shown on a loop in the windows. I hate arty fashion films. I just want to buy a dress that makes a man want to marry me, and other women hate me. I don’t want to watch things.)

So, not that accessible, after all (it will be available on Net-a-porter soon). But is it affordable and, more important, value for money?

Cartoon character Emily the Strange is the muse for this ultra-girly collection, with its Swinging Sixties shapes and thigh-exposing lengths. And this is where I have little truck with the collection.

Posh frocks: Swinging Sixties shapes and thigh-exposing lengths are a prominent style in the collection

While I do think the fabrics — silk, wool, crepe — are excellent quality, the choice of little A-line sleeveless pinafores, cocoon dresses and drop-waist sporty tanks means V,VB is the easiest fashion of all to make. No tailoring, few seams, no fabulous buttons or structure.

I pounced on one dress, an incredible pale body con number, and thought: ‘Now you’re talking!’ To the knee, with heavy crepe to pull in the stomach, really beautifully crafted — and then I noticed it was by... Antonio Berardi.

This is a man who has spent every hour since his teens learning his craft. Not a pop star who has just hired a very good creative director, then told him to cut his margins.

Michelle William's na kanguo kake,utadhani watoto bila kuwatazama usoni.mbuta nanga!!

Sell out: The bi-colour mini shift worn by Michelle Williams, and Posh herself, has been popular;

Which leads us nicely to the prices. Well, £500 for a simple, sleeveless wool shift, or £750 for a long-sleeved day dress, would have been good price points for the mainline brand, which now hovers at over £1,650 for a day dress. But for a diffusion label?

At these prices, every piece could and should be made in the UK, but these are all made in Morocco and Portugal. (If yet another designer moans to me that they cannot find the craftsmanship and skills to manufacture in London, email me and I will send you a list of great garment factories that would love your custom.)

I have another gripe, too. The sizes go up to only a 14. So, even if singer Adele were to pop by (surely one of the few young women able to afford the prices), she would be sorely disappointed.

But the proof of the pudding is, of course (not that any potential customers should do any pudding eating, given the previous paragraph): does it sell?

Well, yes, I’m afraid it does. While on Tuesday afternoon there were no women weeping on the carpet because they missed out on the navy shift with pockets made entirely from polyester, for £490, because it has sold out, the rails were almost empty.

Not for the plus sized: The dresses like these are only available up to a size 14;

Most of the nine or so dress styles had gone, with only two red wool pinafores left, both in a size 12. The sales assistant saw me beating my breast. ‘Ayyyy!’ she yelled. ‘There eez a Booook!’

‘A book? Victoria has written another book?’MISS FB FASHION POLICE SAY: hahahaaha USINICEKESHE MIE"

‘Nooooo. A book with the leeeees-ta!’

MISS FB : SAY > HAHAHA, NIMECHEKAJE" HII SENTESI NI NOMAA"I was sat down with the booook. Finally, there is a God. What happy reading. The names, addresses, telephone numbers and sizes of all the silly women in London who simply have to have a V,VB dress ‘Now!’ in both colours — and not even a please!

The bi-colour mini shift worn by Michelle Williams to the War Horse premiere (exactly the sort of star to love this stuff, given she is so elfin and gamine and winsome) had 18 names next to it after just 24 hours! The pink wool pocket pinafore, seven names.

The Inside Out dress in red had seven names, including a well-known TV presenter, who wants one in a 14. She has also put her name down for a £950 cat-print dress.

Hit: Liz might not be a fan, but women flocked to see Victoria's range and there's now a waiting list for many of the dresses;